Gay Tinder

If you have not been exiled from modern society in the last six months, chances are good, you know what Tinder is. If you are a unique millenium with a Facebook account and a smartphone, the chances are really good, you also have a Tinder profile.

If you have somehow managed to avoid any mention or use of this dating app, here is a little degraded. Tinder syncs with the Facebook accounts of its users to find leads. Users can flip through the mini-profiles of these prospects, which include first names and ages, and either “like” or “pass”. If, and only if, two people like each other’s profiles, then they are paired and can chat with each other.

With up to six photos, a quick biography, and a list of all common interests and Facebook friends, Tinder users can quickly judge whether they are interested or not. This means that the content of your Tinder profile can make or break your next conversation / relationship / clumsy text conversation that ends terribly.

Reluctant to admit it, we have traveled our fair share of Tinder fellas and have seen the good, the bad and the disgusting flat-out in the profiles of men. So, hoping to improve the semi-assed mobile dating experience for all of us, we’re going to make you guys a favor and flat both and not to make creating your Tinder profiles.

10. Do not use only group photos.

We will not spend time analyzing six different images, trying to decipher which human face is the common denominator. If we wanted to play this game, we would go get a book and hunt for Waldo.

9. Use selfies.

Normally, selfies are frowned upon when both are taken and when posted on all social media. However, when we try to judge your date-ability based solely on your physical looks, please give us at least a selfie. We will even take a Myspace-style mirror image. Just give us something where we can clearly see your face – unless it’s a crotch selfie. You know what we’re talking about, guys. When you hold your phone on your lap and take a picture of you looking down on it. We are not stupid. We know what you are trying to do. Subtlety, guys. It’s about subtlety.

8. Do not try to show us that you are a fun guy using pictures of you without a shirt and toasting with a red cup.

By all means, try to show us that you’re a fun guy, but when all we see are half-naked photos of you in the holidays with Bud Light after Bud Light, all we’re going to take is you probably do not own a shirt, and we have very different tastes in alcohol. Also, try to have sleeves in at least one of your photos.

7. Do not be married.

Do not have pictures of you and your wife on the day of your wedding sign your marriage certificate. We do not care if your wife is “cool with her.” We believe that the majority of the female population are not. Tinder is quite scary without self-proclaimed married men joining the hunt. Stop that.

6. Use pictures of you with your grandmother or dog.

If you have a picture of yourself with your grandmother and your dog, it’s an automatic like. We will not lie, we loved the guys on Tinder for their cute dogs before. Cute dog, cute guy, no? But we also saw profiles composed only of dog pictures. There is a line, guys, and it’s really not very good. One side involves a gentle and caring guy, and the other makes us wonder why you love your dog so much.

5. Do not use pictures of you kissing another girl.

In the vein of all you-being-married, we are not in polygamy. I do not know girls yet. And when we see a photo or several photos of a guy who kisses another girl, it tells us that he is not on his ex or worse, she is not yet an ex, in this case, X automatic for you.

4. Be very careful to post photos with you and a child.

Some ladies may agree with dads or even in it, but for some, there is no faster way to get slipped to the left. If the child is not yours, or do not include it in a photo with you or make a note in your description that there is no paternal relationship between you and the child. And while we are on the subject of children, do not post any of your own baby photos. Best screenplay: “Oh wow, he was really cute at one point!” Worst scenario: massive confusion about your real age.

3. Do not be a douchebag.

We do not know why guys think girls will be attracted to them if they come out of the camera, but there seems to be some understanding between men that it’s true. Let’s say that’s not the case. Even going to pose with national monuments as your dick. If we pronounce, “whatta douchebag”, under our breath on you after only seeing six pictures you have chosen to represent yourself, this is probably not a good sign.

2. Do not make our eyes roll to your bio.

It’s no secret that you are judged mostly by your photos on Tinder, however, your Tinder bio or description could very well be the deciding factor. If we are on the fence about you, but you have a cute, fun or interesting slogan, we will probably give you a chance. On the other hand, by displaying only “I piss excellence” you will get a hard and fast “Nope!” Please use this space on your profile wisely to shed some light on your passions, work, Meyers-Briggs results, or personality, even if it’s just a simple.

1. And most importantly, no duckface.

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